Hi, I'm Lael.
Lael Stone is an educator, TEDx speaker, author, mother, and parenting counsellor who has worked with families for over 20 years. Her work as a birth educator, post-natal trauma counsellor, and parenting educator has seen her work with thousands of families consulting about newborns all the way to the teen years.
She spent over 5 years in secondary schools working with teens around sexuality, well-being, and relationships, and her great aim is to empower parents to create connections and stronger relationships with their children.
She is the co-creator of Woodline Primary School, an innovative new school based on emotional well-being and connection. Lael was the co-host of The Aware Parenting Podcast and a sought-after public speaker who talks candidly about her experiences.
As well as sitting on a few advisory boards and consulting with organisations around emotional awareness and trauma-informed practices, she has teamed up with The Resilience Project to deliver presentations about raising resilient children all over Australia.
Lael’s first book, ‘Raising Resilient and Compassionate Children,’ debuted on many best-selling lists.
Lael’s work has now extended to working with adults in the corporate space, where she addresses the impacts of imprints and trauma and how that affects all relationships and stepping into our potential.
Lael features in the ground-breaking documentary ‘Seen’, which has been shown all over Australia throughout 2025.
Lael’s second book is due for release in August 2025, which focuses on healing our pasts so we can thrive in the future.
Tips and Tools
Play is one of the most powerful tools we have as parents and is often overlooked.
- First of all, play brings connection.
- Children LOVE to play. Children KEEP on INVITING us to connect, over and over! Sometimes we don’t realise what they are asking for! We keep on needing to translate what they are saying to us – it’s like a form of code!
- It gives parents a powerful way to resolve common conflicts and challenges they have with their children.
- It helps children heal from stress and trauma which are at the root of most of the above challenges. Connection is the result.
- Play creates reconnection after disconnection.
Powerplay games:
Pretend to be clumsy, weak, frightened or incompetent:
- Let your child frighten you, catch you, beat you in a game, or knock you over.
- Follow the laughter.
Children have so many experiences of being smaller, less competent and less strong. Basically, reverse the usual roles and become the less powerful, competent one. Do this in a mock, silly way. Be incompetent and goofy.
For example:
- Play ‘Talia’s rules’ (insert your childs name). Let your child be the boss of you for a specified period of time and do everything they tell you to.
- Pillow fight where your child knocks you down and you pretend to fall down dramatically, saying things like, “How did you do that?”
- If siblings are fighting, say “pick on someone your own size” but flail around when you pretend to hit or chase… fall over.
- Child pretends to lock up the parent in a cage.
- Child uses a magic wand to change the parent into an animal or an object.
- Child ‘frightens’ adult with crocodile puppet or plastic spider. Adult pretends to be scared!
- Pretend to be clumsy or stupid. Play a chasing game where your child chases you and you pretend that they keep catching you and act surprised.
- Pretend to be angry, eg. on swing, “You’re not going to kick me, are you?”
- “Let’s pretend you’re the child and I’m the adult, and I want you to tidy up.”
- Pretend to beg for your child to play with you, and when they don’t, pretend to cry.
- Pretend to beg that they won’t leave you, and when they leave the room, cling to them.
- If your child is afraid of something, let them play the thing that they are afraid of and you act being them.
Things to Say
When your child (or you) is upset, these are some of the phrases you might want to try:
Meltdown
“I see you’re really upset/angry/mad/frustrated… Let it out… I’m listening.”
“You are doing a good job… I’m with you…
you’re safe honey.”
“Keep going… I’m right here with you.”
“I see how mad you are… tell me all about it.”
Remember:
- try and refrain from offering advice, jumping to fixing.
- if you can, say less and just listen.
- bring the calm – it helps them feel safe.
Only offer words once they have calmed down like:
“I could see how mad you were when you hit your brother, how would you like to repair with him”
“Would you like some advice or suggestions on what is frustrating you…“ (if they say NO, don’t offer any advice)
Hitting
“I am not willing to let you hit your brother/sister/dog…
I am here to help you…
I can see that you are mad…
You can let it out…
I’m not willing to let you hurt my body…
I am going to keep us both safe.”
Reparenting Ourselves
This can be a script you can use to explore for yourself when you get triggered:
- Observe your feelings (anything that doesn’t feel like balance) – what am I feeling?
- Does this remind me of something? A time in my life? An age? Or is it just a stress response?
- If you can go back into the story, what happened that made me feel this way? What did I need that I didn’t get at the time?
- What does my inner child/teenager/ adult need to express that wasn’t heard?
- What words did she need to hear that she didn’t get? (offer those words to the child part of you from the wise parent part of you) ie. I am sorry you didn’t get the support you needed. I am sorry you weren’t able to express how you felt etc. I am sorry that you had to take on looking after everyone. It is no longer your job.
- Sit with those feelings – allow them to be there, welcome them in. No judgment – just compassion and empathy. Know they can pass. Speak with a listening partner if you need.
And please remember:
- Self-care and gentleness for yourself are the cornerstones of being a good parent. You have to look after yourself so you can look after them.
- Be brave to explore your own triggers and talk about them to an empathetic listener, so you can move your stuff, so you can hold the space for your kids.
Dealing with Anger
One of the ways we can begin to change how we respond when we are angry is to explore where our reaction is coming from. Is it:
- A need not being met (sleep, food, support, stress).
- Internal thoughts or expectations.
- Past feelings, trauma, powerlessness.
When we can pause in the moment and recognise we are out of balance, we have reached capacity – what can we do to break the fight/flight circuit:
- Move body (shake, dance, hit pillows).
- Wash your hands and breathe.
- Go outside, take your shoes off, ground and breathe.
- Speak it, name it, release it – use sound.
- Call someone for support.
It can take practice to begin to change the emergency cycle. Each time you dont yell or act out is a great sign and a shift in your neural pathway in the brain and for your nervous system. Each small step forward is a win.
Not reacting in the moment is hard, but as we bring awareness to it and practice these steps, we can begin to create change.
It is also so important to do maintenance work. This can help with healing and having your feelings heard, so you are less likely to react. Some things you can do are:
- Journaling around past hurts.
- Talk to a listening partner.
- Bodywork to help your nervous system.
- Therapy.
- TRE, EMDR.
Video Resources
Other Resources
How to raise emotionally intelligent children
A ground-breaking parenting documentary
